Wedding production begins with an orchestrated proposal
By Abigail Van Buren July 7, 2011 8:40AM
Updated: October 29, 2011 12:40AM
D ear Abby: Has the marriage proposal become an invited ceremony like the wedding, or am I out of touch?
A few months ago friends and family were invited to a beach near Seattle for the proposal. Our grandson and his live-in went for a short seaplane ride. The plane returned, beached and the couple got out. Then, surrounded by the throng on the sand — and videotaped — grandson proposed on bended knee and she, of course, accepted.
Because we did not attend, my daughter is still not speaking to us. The young couple will fly to Maui in a few months for the wedding. We are among the invited, but the trip is too much for us. Your comments, please.
Baffled in Brunswick, Maine
Dear Baffled: I have heard of brides getting carried away and turning their wedding ceremony into the equivalent of a stage production, but this is the first time I have heard about a mother of the groom issuing a command performance for the proposal. Heaven only knows what she’s planning for the birth of their first child.
Dear Abby: I am with a man who treats me and my kids great. He is kind, caring and very generous. I trust him. However, I have been in a couple of bad relationships. For some reason, I’m drawn to “bad” boys. I’m not sure if I really love this man because there is no “spark.” None!
Should I stay with someone who is a really great person and treats me good — but there is no passion — and learn to live with it, or do I end the relationship?
Not Sure What to Do in Canada
Dear Not Sure: You might as well end the relationship now because sooner or later you will become bored and it will end anyway. The man you’re seeing deserves to have someone who fully appreciates what he has to offer, which you seem unable to do. Continue dating “bad boys” until you finally stop confusing anxiety and disappointment with excitement. You appear to be one of those women who has to learn what’s important through pain. You have my sympathy.
Dear Abby: My husband (second marriage) keeps in touch with his ex-wife. At one point, it was several times a day. I expressed my concerns to him and told him I didn’t like it and saw no need for it. It stopped — but only for a while. I know, because I check his call and text log.
I know I shouldn’t do that, but recently I found some text messages saying, “Sorry I haven’t called you.” That’s not what’s bothering me, though. It’s how they signed off. She writes, “Love you,” and he writes, “Love you mostest!”
Abby, that’s what he says to me. How do I talk to him about this? I snooped.
Snooped On The East Coast
Dear Snooped: I don’t blame you for feeling hurt and threatened by this. Almost any woman would. When he’s in a relaxed mood and you can talk without interruption, ask him if he is still in love with his ex-wife. If he says no, ask why he feels the need to remain in communication with her and why he’s telling her he loves her “mostest.” Expect him to go on the attack because you snooped. But you wouldn’t have done it if your intuition hadn’t made you feel insecure. And it turns out you were right.