Invisibility a good thing
By Rose Panieri email@example.com April 23, 2012 7:04PM
Photo by Rose Panieri
Updated: May 25, 2012 8:05AM
I have an idea of how Harry Potter felt in his invisibility cloak. You see, I own a pale gray Pontiac Vibe. I suspect the moment I slip behind the wheel I become instantly invisible. And judging by the times I’ve whizzed by squad cars — “slightly” over the speed limit — my hypothesis is true.
Some folks would be discombobulated at not being noticed. Not me. The more invisible I am the better.
In the old days, when I owned an old, black Lincoln, I was stopped by authorities at least once a month. In addition to being slapped with moving violations, I had to endure the humiliation of frequent trunk searches, and forced to listen to snide remarks like, “Hey, lady, you could fit a couple of bodies in this trunk, ha-ha.”
In those days, a speeding ticket ran about $60 — not great, but doable. Ah, but the wily state of Illinois has since figured out that speeding motorists are a bottomless pit of profit. Today, a garden variety speeding ticket will set you back $125. Develop a case of “lead foot” in a construction zone and you’ll be signing up for the “Gov. Quinn Lifetime Payment Plan.”
I mention moving violations because an anonymous good Samaritan dropped by Wednesday with an “Illinois Citation and Complaint” — commonly known as a ticket — found in Joliet. This particular ticket was not the result of speeding, but for allegedly running a stop sign.
Running a stop sign? Excuse me, but if everyone who rolled through a stop sign (or red light) got a ticket, the city of Joliet would be virtually rollin’ in dough. I mean ka-ching!
At any rate, it’s not up to me to judge the innocence or guilt of the offender (who shall remain anonymous). I personally believe she’s innocent. Unfortunately, I’m not the dude in the robe and wig.
Since her name appeared on the ticket, I managed to dig up a phone number and left a message, letting her know her ticket was safe and sound.
Taking care of business
When I returned from lunch Thursday, I got a call from the dear lady (whom I’m now absolutely certain would NEVER run a stop sign).
“My husband and I were searching all over for that ticket yesterday,” she said. “Then, I finally listened to your message — what a relief.”
She went on to explain that she had turned the ticket over to her lawyer — who also happens to be her husband — to handle.
And handle it he did.
I’m wondering if in a fit of “white-collar rebellion” he didn’t transform the citation into a really nifty paper airplane and attempt to send it into orbit.
“Yup, I handled that ticket — I sure did,” I imagine him saying with glee.
No matter how the ticket escaped his briefcase, giant thanks and kudos go out to the selfless individual who found the citation and made a big effort to drop it off at our office on Oneida Street.
I’ll end with some advice to anyone who wants to avoid the “men in blue.” Buy a gray Pontiac Vibe.
Chevy keys rescued
Beverly Brophy of Joliet found a set of keys on the 3400 block of west Vernon Drive in Joliet. Included on the ring are a Chevy car key and remote and a house key.
If you’ve lost —
or found — something,
call 815-773-7178 or email