Moms help military families cope
By Tony Graf tgraf@stmedianetwork.com September 10, 2011 8:24PM
Carol Kaczmarek and Debbie Trippiedi (left to right) of 'Operation: Moms' are interviewed Friday evening September 9, 2011 at the group's warehouse in Wilmington, Illinois. | Art Vassy~Sun-Times Media
Updated: November 9, 2011 1:17PM
WILMINGTON — Catherine Costello remembers the terrorist attacks of a decade ago as if they happened yesterday.
On Sept. 11, 2001, Costello’s children, Jenni and Michael, were too young to be in the military. In the decade since, both her daughter and son have joined the Air Force.
“I know my kids were affected,” Costello said of the Sept. 11 attacks. “How do you even walk down your street and feel safe? We suddenly weren’t safe anymore.”
Costello’s family is from Godley, just down the road from the nuclear power plant in Braceville. That meant a very specific fear for her family.
Costello’s daughter joined the Air Force and eventually married a man serving in that branch, Jamie Longo. He was deployed to Iraq and served with security forces. Costello’s son, an Air Force firefighter, recently has returned from duty in Bahrain and is stationed at Langley Air Force Base in Virginia.
Costello volunteers at Operation MOMS Cookies Inc. in Wilmington, making care packages for U.S. troops deployed in Iraq, Afghanistan and throughout the world.
Debbie Trippiedi, executive director of MOMS, helped begin the organization after her son requested care packages for soldiers other than himself. Trippiedi realized that her efforts could help people far beyond her own family.
That’s what Operation MOMS is all about, and the group has been busy since its inception in 2002.
In September 2001 — exactly one decade ago Sunday — the United States was struck by terrorist attacks in New York, Washington, D.C., and the skies over Pennsylvania.
The United States led an invasion of Afghanistan in fall 2001, and troops remain there to this day. One of them is Trippiedi’s son.
The U.S. led an invasion of Iraq in 2003, and troops remain there today. One of them is a child of MOMS volunteer Sheila Hessler of Bourbonnais.
Costello explained how Operation MOMS helps mothers as well as soldiers.
“Instead of being here and feeling helpless because your child is over there, we can make a difference,” she said. “You know there’s a soldier over there, and you can bring a smile to their face that day, even though it might be a bad day.”
“We are doing something — we are providing for them,” Trippiedi said.
The Herald-News interviewed Trippiedi, Costello, Hessler and other MOMS volunteers on Friday. The goal: Learn how mothers cope with the uncertainty of having their children overseas in the aftermath of Sept. 11, 2001.
Sept. 11, 2001
Trippiedi’s son Jack had enlisted in the U.S. Army in 1998.
“It was peacetime then,” Debbie said. “Except then came Kosovo and Bosnia. So there he went.”
Jack Trippiedi, now an Army staff sergeant, was in South Korea on 9/11. Debbie remembers the phone conversation with her son at that time.
“I said, ‘We’ve been attacked.’ He said jokingly, ‘Mom, what’s in your coffee?’ ”
The joking ended quickly. Over the phone, Debbie heard a blaring horn in the background. Jack said, “Mom, I gotta go.”
“And it was ‘click,’ and that was it,” Debbie said. “We didn’t hear from him for three days afterward.”
Jack re-enlisted for further duty in the Army after the Sept. 11 attacks.
He told his mother: “This is the only way I know how to make a difference. I don’t know if I can, but I hope I can.”
Jack’s service has included deployments in Bosnia, South Korea, Iraq and Afghanistan. He will not return from his current Afghanistan deployment until the fall of 2012.
Debbie, a resident of Diamond, spoke of her continuing fears for her son during his numerous deployments over the course of 13 years. Other MOMS volunteers know these fears, though their children’s enlistments might have been more recent.
“The general public has become complacent. They’re comfortable. As military families, we live with fear, we live with turning stomachs, we live with reality, because we know they’re fighting every day,” Debbie said.
Coping with fear
Carol Kaczmarek of Reddick volunteers for Operation MOMS Cookies in Wilmington. Carol’s son-in-law — Alex Kudirka, a Reed-Custer High School graduate, formerly of Godley — is in the U.S. Army and recently has returned from Afghanistan.
Alex’s wife is Kristi, Carol’s daughter. Kristi moved home when Alex was deployed.
“It’s hard to listen to your daughter cry in her room and not be able to help her — to try to calm her fear,” Carol said.
In April, Kristi moved to Kentucky to be with her husband upon his return from Afghanistan.
While in this area, Kristi volunteered at MOMS. “She sat here and packed boxes, and her phone would be right here by her side, just in case there was some miracle and he was able to call,” Carol said.
Debbie said: “We’re a comfort zone for each other — where we can all be and say what we feel. When you’re in public, and you run for that phone, people don’t get it. That’s our lifeline to our service members, to our soldiers. It is our lifeline to our babies.”
Hessler constantly keeps her phone by her side since her son, Jared Walters, was deployed to Iraq on Memorial Day. She is always ready to talk with her son.
During Friday’s interview, Sheila noticed that she had left her phone in her car. It was the first time she had been away from that phone in months. She immediately went out to retrieve it.
The phone is near her at all times, even when she is in the shower.
“You sleep with your phone by your side — and one eye open and one ear open,” Debbie said. “You don’t ever sleep.”
Blackouts
During emergencies, or after a soldier is killed in action, the military cuts off communication between the surviving soldiers and their loved ones. This is called a blackout. When a blackout begins, a phone call in progress can be cut off immediately.
Debbie explained one reason behind this: When a soldier is killed, it is important for the soldier’s family to be informed by the military first, and not through secondhand channels.
Despite this very valid reason for blackouts, these times are still difficult to endure.
“It’s a stressful time for moms. You don’t know why, you don’t know if it’s your son, you have to wait,” Debbie said.
“You don’t want to be home. You don’t want to be there if a knock comes on the door,” she said.
Learning strength
Nancy Rumler, a MOMS volunteer from Marseilles, recalls the attacks of Sept. 11 and the silent skies in the aftermath. The Federal Aviation Administration suspended all air traffic nationwide for several days after the attacks.
“It was surreal,” Rumler said.
She remembers feeling fear and anger — but also a desire to confront the crisis with a British stoicism, the kind of stoicism which brought that nation through World War II.
“I’m thinking: ‘OK, we’ve got to be like the British. We’ve got to buck up,’” she said.
When Rumler’s son, Ryan, was serving in Afghanistan, she kept in touch via Facebook. Costello also remembers using the online social network to keep in touch with her son in Bahrain. Every morning and every evening, she would post messages, hoping for a response. She could not miss any opportunity to contact her son.
Hessler makes optimum use of Facebook. Even when she cannot contact her son in Iraq, she notices when he “likes” something on Facebook. That means he’s OK, he’s communicating in some way.
Costello would write to her son on Facebook: “Good morning, Baby Boy.” He did not mind at all.
“The sappier you are, the better they like it. They miss home,” Debbie said.
“9/11 took our innocence away,” Costello said.
“It took our naivete away,” Rumler said.
Debbie responded: “We have learned self-strength, self-preservation through the service of our babies.”
The Associated Press
contributed to this report.
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