Herald News

Allergies cause visitation problems

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:15:21 -0500

Dear Abby: I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for almost five years, and we have a 4-year-old daughter together. The problem is, his parents are hoarders. Their house is a disaster. It’s falling apart from the inside out. They have piles of junk in the house and yard, and six dogs that live in the house with them. My daughter has just been diagnosed with a severe allergy to mold. I don’t like her to go to their house, but they adore her and want to spend time with her. I don’t know what to do! I have tried …

Crush on teacher troubles student

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:11:10 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m a male who has graduated from high school and is about to start college in another state. I’m ready for a new challenge. The only thing holding me back is a romantic attraction I have toward one of my high school teachers. He and I are best friends, but I love him more than as a friend. I have bought him many meals and gifts since he taught me, and I have found every opportunity available to be with him. I’m not sure if he’s aware of my feelings, although I wonder whether I unconsciously make myself …

Kids should learn from parents

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:11:10 -0500

Dear Abby: Wouldn’t it make sense if grade school teachers set aside time, weekly or monthly, to go over some very generic information that kids need to learn? I’m talking about things like how important it is to have pets neutered and why, how to manage money, and show them what the average dad earns and what it costs to run a household and support a family. It might help kids to grow up understanding that money isn’t free and get them past the “gimmes.” There are so many topics that ought to be introduced to youngsters at an early …

Invite does not include tiny terror

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:11:10 -0500

Dear Abby: My wife and I have thrown a barbecue for all our friends every summer since we were first married. Over the last couple of years, our little party has morphed into a family-friendly event. Our problem is one of our good friends is now the mother of an insufferable 3-year-old boy. “Fenton’s” behavior has been awful for two years. At the last party, he managed to throw our iPod, slam our stereo to the ground, pick up and throw another child and terrorize a gentle dog. He barged in on a nursing mother and refused to leave when …

Some customers upset with ‘cellphone-free’ policy

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:17:26 -0500

Dear Abby: This is my first-ever Dear Abby letter. I am disgusted by the lack of manners shown by cellphone users. I run an antiques store in a small tourist town. I cannot tell you how many “insulted and incensed” customers I have asked to please leave my shop because they insisted on talking on their cellphones. I have also asked people in church to carry on their conversations outside. A man at my daughter’s high school graduation got a call and proceeded to talk on and on until I finally asked him to leave. This has happened in restaurants, …

Issues of identity are serious matter for adoptees, families

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 00:29:00 -0500

Dear Abby: May I weigh in on the letter from “Noah’s Real Dad in New York” (June 27), whose adult adopted son wants to reclaim his original last name? I am an adult adoptee who searched for and found my birth family. I also joined a support group that was formed to support the adoption triad. Research has shown that male adoptees struggle with their identity more than females do. After all, in our patriarchal society it is the male surname that most often does not get changed in marriage. Women are accustomed to the fact that they will most …

Widowed mom’s ugly behavior is sign that she needs help

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 00:43:04 -0500

Dear Abby: I agree with your advice to “Driven Away in Georgia” (May 26), whose widowed mother has become so bitter, all eight of her children avoid her. As a clinical neuropsychologist who works with people with dementia and other aging-related problems, I’d like to share my thoughts. When a spouse dies, previously undetected early-stage dementia can become apparent to others. If the surviving spouse had pre-existing cognitive deficits, they may have been concealed by the competency of the other spouse. After the spouse dies, the structure and functional support once provided is suddenly removed. Symptoms then become apparent to …

Pastor without compassion needs a come-to-Jesus talk

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 01:36:21 -0500

Dear Abby: We have a problem — our pastor. He uses the pulpit to criticize, put people down and offers no compassion. A person can only take so much. The problem is, if you say anything to him, you can bet the next sermon will be about what you discussed. How can I talk to him without making him angry? All Fire And Brimstone Dear A.F. and B.: Your pastor’s behavior gives new meaning to the term “bully pulpit.” Rather than approach him yourself, you and others who feel as you do should take your complaint to the governing board …

Secretly remarried mom still collecting alimony from dad

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 00:41:09 -0500

Dear Abby: My parents divorced 20 years ago. The court approved a mutual agreement that Dad would pay monthly alimony until Mom remarried or one of them died. He has never missed a payment. I have recently discovered that Mom secretly married her live-in boyfriend 11 years ago, but has continued receiving the alimony without telling my father. Is she committing a crime for which she could be arrested? And is her husband guilty of any wrongdoing? I am extremely upset over this and want to do something to correct this injustice. It isn’t fair. What can I do? Furious …

Wedding production begins with an orchestrated proposal

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 00:40:36 -0500

D ear Abby: Has the marriage proposal become an invited ceremony like the wedding, or am I out of touch? A few months ago friends and family were invited to a beach near Seattle for the proposal. Our grandson and his live-in went for a short seaplane ride. The plane returned, beached and the couple got out. Then, surrounded by the throng on the sand — and videotaped — grandson proposed on bended knee and she, of course, accepted. Because we did not attend, my daughter is still not speaking to us. The young couple will fly to Maui in …

Readers running hot and cold on toilet brush in dishwasher

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 10:21:26 -0500

Dear Abby: The letter from “Turned Off in Texas” (May 18) caught my attention. While I agree that putting a toilet brush in the dishwasher with the dishes was unexpected and off-putting — we don’t ever want to link the toilet with our food — I think your answer showed a little overreaction. Running the dishes in another cycle should take care of any concerns as long as the water is hot. Studies have shown that the inside of the average public toilet bowl is not as bacteria-laden as a public drinking fountain. Our disgust is emotional, not likely fact-based. …

Fan of Hollywood wonders if romance is just a dream

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 00:53:41 -0500

Dear Abby: I come from a Third World country and live as a legal alien in San Francisco. I grew up reading great American authors, watching American TV and Hollywood movies, so I thought I had a good understanding about your Western societal structure. I have made many friends in this wonderful city, but the women here drive me crazy. I am a romantic at heart, but not desperate. However, my gestures are often misunderstood. One time I gave a feminist/radical girl a book about the feminist movement and she freaked out. She said she wasn’t looking for anything serious …

National anthem deserves your hand and heart

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 00:53:12 -0500

Dear Abby: I was criticized recently for placing my right hand over my heart while the U.S. flag was flown and “The Star-Spangled Banner” was being sung. I was told that the hand over the heart is for the Pledge of Allegiance only, when the flag is present. Is that true, and what is the proper procedure? St. Louis Patriot Dear Patriot: No, it is not true. Whoever criticized you was ignorant of the Flag Code, as amended by the 94th Congress and approved July 7, 1976. According to the code, “During the rendition of the national anthem when the …

Was daughter’s closet door opened by college mentor?

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 00:52:58 -0500

Dear Abby: My daughter recently told us she is attracted to women. I feel she has been unduly influenced by her mentor/professor at her college, as she quoted this woman several times when she “came out.” My daughter has always been quiet and shy. She finds it difficult to make eye contact with anyone. How am I to accept this, especially since I feel her mentor took advantage of the situation? I am finding it difficult to function at all. I love my daughter very much. This just hurts. Mom At A Loss in Oregon Dear Mom at A Loss: …

Family members run for cover from grandma’s talk marathons

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 16:53:02 -0500

Dear Abby: No one in my family will tell my grandmother the reason they don’t call her is she talks too much. None of us is retired like she is, and our evenings are chaotic enough without a two-hour conversation with her. Relatives ask me to relay messages on their behalf so they won’t have to call her. She’s always crying and telling me I’m the only one who is “good to her.” I’d feel guilty if I had to tell Grandma the truth — but I, as well as the rest of the family, have had enough of her …

Woman’s helping hand at work comes across as interference

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 16:52:13 -0500

Dear Abby: It has recently come to my attention that at work I am considered “bossy.” It came as a shock to me. I’m hurt that my co-workers and department manager think of me this way. I know I come on strong sometimes when it comes to helping customers, but I view it as helping. When I suggest to co-workers that they keep their areas clean and orderly, it is perceived as bossy. I’m just trying to help them not get fired for slacking off. I’m older than some of my co-workers and my manager. I tried for the manager …